Last week I was flinging my groceries onto the conveyor belt at the checkout when the lady in front of me asked how I served the bunch of kale I’d just whacked on top of the family size block of dairy milk chocolate organic eggs and brussels sprouts.
“Oh, I don’t. The kale is for the guinea pigs. They’re basically organic vegans who eat better than the rest of us. I think my lot would have a fit if I ever attempted to serve them kale for dinner!” came my reply.
The lady laughed and said she’d heard a lot about kale but had no idea how to use it, which is why she’d asked me.
Now that got me thinking, maybe there are other people out there who don’t know how to use kale? And perhaps I could write a blog post featuring 5 delicious ways to use kale?
This led me to do a fair bit of drinking, because clearly I was having some sort of mid-life blogging crisis in-depth research into the subject of all things kale and today I proudly give you my first attempt at being one of those holistic wellness blogger types. Sort of.
5 Delicious Ways To Use Kale
1. Kale Chips
In the interest of research, I took it upon myself to buy a packet of kale chips and let me tell you they are the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten.
Think whacking a lettuce leaf into a tub of some sort of organic salt free paprika mix, that I assume at the price of $7 a bag has been hand stirred by monks who live in an extremely isolated part of the world accessible only by row-boat, baking it in a clay oven until it is crisp and then deciding to ACTUALLY EAT IT and you’ve got yourself a kale chip.
Now I don’t know about you, but I reckon Kale Chips would taste BLOODY AMAZING if you replaced the Kale with potato.
And as luck would have it, I happen to have made that very kind of Kale Chip before! YOU’RE WELCOME.
2. Kale BLT Salad
Now this option seems to be quite popular over on Pinterest. If you’re not sure what the BLT bit stands for, it’s Bacon Lettuce Tomato.
Again, in the interest of research purposes, I attempted to make this salad except the guinea pigs had inhaled all of the kale. Long story short, if you leave out the kale and the salad bit and just stick with the BLT part, you are GOOD TO GO!
3. Kale Smoothie
I am a big fan of the smoothie. I have one every morning for breakfast (1 cup frozen berries, 1 cup skim milk, blend and top with your favourite muesli and you’ve got yourself a very healthy start to the day.)
Personally I’m not so sure about this whole ‘add a cup of kale to your smoothie’ business. How about we make a deal that whenever we see those words, we silently swap them for ‘add a splash of vodka to your smoothie’ instead?
Throw in a bit of ice, a bit of OJ & some sort of fancy pineapple on a stick arrangement and look at that! We’re basically on a juice cleanse!
4. Kale Soup
I’m sorry, but this one has got to go. Kale Soup?! Um, no. That does not sound delicious.
How about we replace that with a Big Mac? And yeah, you want fries with that! And a large coke. And a McFlurry. And possibly a pair of elastic waisted pants with a gym membership chaser.
5. Kale Bouquet
Not sure what to get your vegan friend for Christmas? Wrap a ribbon around a bunch of kale and BAM! You have an instant gift that’s better than flowers (you can’t eat a bunch of flowers, now can you?!) and your friend has a magnificent table centrepiece that he or she will be able to turn into a packet of chips, a smoothie, a BLT salad (hold the B) and/or a batch of soup in no time at all.
They’re also a new thing at weddings too. So keep an eye out for bouquets of kale the next time you’re at one. If you do a quick google search, you’ll find that they’re actually quite pretty and on the plus side, if the kale is in the bouquet, there’s a fairly high chance you won’t be eating it at the reception!
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