Dear Guy Who Works At The Gym And Thinks My Name Is Charmaine,
I know we don’t see each other all that often, what with me being so busy slothing on the couch while eating chocolate blogging, studying and kid wrangling, but do you remember the day I signed up to join the gym?
I walked through the doors, you looked up from your computer and yelled, “Hello!” so loudly, the super fit blonde bird running on the treadmill got such a fright, she nearly flew off the back of it! My first thought was that were very enthusiastic, which made a nice change from the last bloke who used to work there a couple of years ago. He never even looked up from his Facebook account paperwork whenever I walked through the doors, yet the minute the young girl in the neon pink crop top arrived, he’d leap out of his seat so quickly, anyone would think Larry Emdur had just told him to “Come one down.” Odd.
Hot girl just walked into the gym. YES!
Anyway, I explained to you that I wanted to re-join the gym as it was hurtling towards winter and I don’t like to go on my daily* walks along the waterfront in winter, because it’s just too cold. You asked me what my name is, I replied with “Kirsten”, I signed some forms, politely listened to you crap on about the joys of personal training and BAM! I was a member of your gym.
*may or may not have been a slight exaggeration.
So a few weeks later the next day, I rocked up to the gym for my first indoor workout of the season and there you were, standing at the weird desk that’s not a desk arrangement, playing tetris working away on the computer. You looked up and bellowed, “Oh hello! I remember you. You joined two weeks ago yesterday! Welcome! What was your name again?!”
“Kirsten. My name’s Kirsten” I replied, while gently shoving my gym bag in the weird locker that’s not a locker arrangement.
“That’s right! I remember now. Well have a great workout KRISTIN!”
Now I should point out that being called KRISTIN doesn’t really bother me. I get it all.the.time. That i before the r seems to really throw people off and obviously having an e in between the t and the n doesn’t work for those people either. And that’s ok. I mean, I get it. Once, when I was about 8, my parents took my brother and I to some castle somewhere and when we’d finished the tour of it, mum pressed $2 into my hand and told me I could purchase something from the gift shop. I was beside myself with excitement when I found a ruler with my name printed on it, so that’s what I bought.
You can imagine my disappointment when I got home, slipped the ruler out of the paper bag it was wrapped in and discovered I’d purchased a ruler for someone name KRisten. So you know, if I can’t get my own name right, it’s probably a bit rough to expect everybody else to!
But last week, while I was innocently burning a few calories on a treadmill, your little head popped up out of nowhere and I was greeted with a very loud, “Hi Charmaine!”
I’m fairly sure I looked at you blankly, because, you know, MY NAME IS NOT CHARMAINE, which you must’ve thought was very rude because the next words out of your mouth were, “Fine. Don’t say hello to me. I can take rejection” which was followed by a rather long and very loud bout of laughter on your part. I then informed you that I didn’t realise you were saying hello to me BECAUSE MY NAME IS NOT CHARMAINE, IT’S KIRSTEN.
You apologised and said you were very embarrassed. I told you not to worry about it and that people get my name wrong all the time. You then said I looked a bit like a Charmaine, which, and I mean no offence to any Charmaines out there, definitely did not help the situation.
Then, the old duck on the treadmill beside me, started nodding furiously in agreement with you, before turning to me and saying, “Gosh you don’t hear that name very often anymore. I’ve been a teacher since 1902* and Charmaine was a very popular name in the 50’s. You look far too young to be a Charmaine but you’ve got the right hair for it, so maybe you are a Charmaine?”
*may or may not be a slight exaggeration
Charmaine? Is that you?
And that, Guy Who Works At The Gym And Thinks My Name Is Charmaine, is when I shoved my headphones into my ears so hard I thought I might rupture some sort of protective membrane and cranked my iPod up to such a high volume I thought the random sitting in his car outside could probably hear it. Which, was strangely soothing. Because at least Ed Sheeran, Justin Timberlake and Katy Perry know my name isn’t Charmaine. Or Kristin. Well ok, they don’t know my name at all, but if they did, I’m fairly sure they wouldn’t get it wrong every time they saw me!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a very large name badge to make and a delicious looking cream bun to eat.
Yours sincerely,
Ki…oh FFS. Never mind. As if you’re EVER going to remember it!
Ever had someone get your name wrong? Maybe you look like a Charmaine? In which case, welcome to the club!
Leave a Reply