FYI: If you’re new to the blog and don’t know who Charmaine is, this post: 5 Things You Need To Know About Charmaine is a good starting point.
Remember last week, when I interviewed our good friend Charmaine? After reading the interview, a reader (hi Kylie!) left a comment suggesting that Charmaine might like to guest post on this very blog. Talk about a genius idea!
So I sent a message to Charmaine’s pager service, asking if she’d be interested and not 24 hours later I had to duck down to the post office to collect a fax that she’d sent through to me!
Loving Charmaine’s Desk Set Up!
So here we go with this week’s Friday Five: Charmaine’s Top 5 Halloween Costumes Edition!
Well hi there everyone! Thanks for reading my very first blog post. It’s hard to believe that a week ago I was telling Kirsten her blog was a bit up itself and now here I am writing something for it. I guess that means I’m a bit up myself too?! I’ve been nagging Barry to upgrade the Ford Capri to a lovely little mini cooper convertible for bloody months, so now that I’m officially fully up myself, I might finally get one!
Anyway, I’d better get on with this post because as you would all know, faxes aren’t cheap to send and I really need to keep this under the 3 page limit, otherwise old mate at the post office will charge me some ungodly amount in excess fax fees, which quiet frankly, is money I’d rather be spending on Crocs and Bacardi Breezers.
Now what you you might not know about me, is that I’m fairly well travelled. So far in my 41 years of living, I’ve seen half of Tasmania, most of Newcastle AND a fair bit of San Diego.
I went to San Diego as an exchange student when I was in High School and was lucky enough to be there for Halloween. Trick or Treating over there was the best 4 hours of my life and it’s something I’ve done every year since. Here are my Top 5 Halloween Costumes, all of which I’ve worn over the years. I hope you like them!
#1 80’s Madonna
This one needs no explanation. Never mind that Lady Gaga chick and her meat dress, I reckon 80’s Madonna is timeless, don’t you?
#2 Half Naked Devil
A few Halloween’s ago, Barry took me out for a lovely meal at a Mexican restaurant. Because it was Halloween, all the waitresses were dressed as Half Naked Devils.
When our waitress came over to take our order I looked upto see that she was wearing a really short red tutu skirt and a boob tube that was a bit too small for her. She had really big knockers and obviously she’d never had kids because those things were sitting VERY upright and because the poor luv’s top was too small, we could see the bottom of her very perky boobs whenever we looked at her.
Barry, bless him, only looked at her chest three times and when it was his turn to order he looked straight at me while telling the Half Naked Devil he’d like the nachos with extra refried beans. I mean, if that isn’t love, I don’t know what the hell is!
So as a surprise, the following Halloween I dressed up as a Half Naked Devil and picked Barry up from the airport in it! He couldn’t believe his luck when he saw me running into the domestic terminal wearing nothing but a red tutu and a very small boob tube and was so excited to see me he went bright red, which was really sweet because then we kind of matched!
#3 A Beach Ball
Not the most flattering or the most practical of costumes, but great for hiding a bloated gut. Just make sure you don’t light up a fag while wearing one, or the whole thing will melt and leave you standing in the middle of the street wearing nothing but your bra and undies. Or so I’ve heard.
#4 A Bogan
Barry loves dressing up as a bogan. He reckons it’s an easy costume ‘cos he has all the clothes hanging in his wardrobe.
I told him that having a large selection of flannelette shirts and skin tight jeans doesn’t mean he’s a bogan. It means he’s one of those Metrosexuals who takes pride in his appearance!
Here he is in last year’s bogan costume. As you can see from the photo, he’s quite shy and HATES getting his photo taken…
#5 Cher
Now I’ll let you in on a little secret, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Ok?
This year, I’m dressing up as Cher! And not just any old Cher, nope. I’m going as Cher from her Turn Back Time video clip!
And, let me tell you, it’s going to the be cheapest costume I’ve ever put together. Barry’s got a shitload of gaffa tap in the garage ‘cos he likes to fix everything with bloody gaffa tap. Cracked a vase? Bazza will gaffa tap it up! Broken a a finger while surfing? Gaffa tape to the rescue! Honestly, it drives me f*&king nuts.
So I thought I’d put all that gaffa tape to good use this year and make myself a Cher costume!
I’m probably going to have to loose a few kilos between now and next week, but that’s ok ‘cos I bought one of those fancy looking exercise machines from the lovely lady on the tellie last week.
It should be here by Wednesday, so that gives me a whole day and a half to loose 10 kegs. I know that sounds like it might be hard to achieve, but I’ve seen enough episodes of The Biggest Loser to know that it definitely can be done!
Barry reckons I’d be better off to quit the fags, stop drinking so many West Coasts and maybe lay off the wedges, but seriously, what the f&*k would he know?!
Now Kirsten tells me I need to finish my guest post with a question. Something about it being good for reader interaction, whatever that means. I couldn’t think of anything good to ask, so why don’t you tell me what your favourite Bacardi Breezer flavour is? I’m quite partial to Raspberry and I reckon Kirsten probably loves to throw back a bottle or two of Blueberry Guava. How about you?
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