Before we get underway with all the Christmas With Charmaine details, if you’re new around here and don’t know who Charmaine is, you can catch up on all the goss with the following posts:
An Open Letter To The Guy At My Gym Who Thinks My Name Is Charmaine
5 Things You Need To Know About Charmaine
Kirsten and co. Interviews Charmaine
Hi Charmaine and welcome back to the blog!
Thanks love (takes a drag of St Moritz menthol cigarette) I hope you don’t mind me smoking. I know it’s not really the done thing anymore, but I’ve just switched to these menthol ones (holds up packet) so really, I’m just having a breath mint.
God I haven’t seen those in years! I used to smoke them back in the 90’s, when I was young and stupid and didn’t know any better!
Are you saying I’m young and stupid? Cos if you are that’s one of the best bloody compliments I’ve had in ages!
Barry never gives me compliments anymore. When we first met he was all, “the boys in the boiler room are gonna shit themselves when I show them the photo of you in my wallet” but these days he barely looks up at me when I walk into the room. Bit sad really, but I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been married for as along as we have (stubs out cigarette and rummages through acid wash handbag)
Oh For F&*ks Sake. What the hell have I done with my bottle of Impulse? Barry hates me smoking, so I give myself a little spray of it after each fag. It hides the smell really well, although I guess I don’t have to bother with it now that I’ve switched to menthol?!
Um, I guess not. So tell me Charmaine, what are you doing for Christmas this year?
Love, I am so pleased you asked. I’ve decorated the entire house in a gorgeous peacock theme. There’s blue, green and purple as far as the eye can see. Hang on and I’ll show you a photo (picks up handbag and pulls out phone. Holds it up to my face)
Wow. That is quite the tree topper you’ve got there! But Charmaine, what’s with the iPhone?! I thought you were a Nokia flip phone girl through and through?!
I was, until I met you. And then you showed me that thing where you googled who Richie Sambora was married to and I knew I had to have one.
I went home and said to Barry, “Barry, love, did you know you can find out stuff about Bon Jovi on an iPhone?! I need one ASABloodyP! Can you make it happen? Ploise?”
And what do you know, the romantic fool found me later that night on eBay!
Wow. That’s awesome. I like your phone cover (tilts head sideways) Is that you and Barry, um, kissing?
It sure is! We’d had a few bevies at home a few weeks ago and after my 5th Bacardi Breezer, I told Barry we should try and work out how to take a selfie. After about 25 attempts, we finally got one we liked.
Anyway, the next day I was showing my daughters, Mersaydees and Saturday, and they were all “Gross Mum. Put it away. We don’t want to see a picture of you and Dad kissing!” but then Saturday told me about an online shop where you can get personalised phone covers made, so I got this one done!
I love pulling it out of my handbag while I’m waiting at the school gates to pick the girls up. The other mums always look so jealous. I mean who wants some poncy gold polka dot covered phone cover, when you can have a photo of you and your husband kissing on the back of your phone?!
(quietly shoves poncy gold polka dot covered phone down side of chair) Couldn’t agree with you more! Back to Christmas, are you all organised with presents?
Shit no. Haven’t even started with any of that. I hate shopping, so I think I’ll probably just get everyone vouchers.
That’s a sensible approach. And what about Christmas Day? What will you be doing?
We’re having it at our place this year. Usually we drive all over the f*&king countryside, visiting my parents and then Barry’s parents and then we waste a good 3 hours trying to find a bottle shop that’s open on Christmas Day. What a pain in the arse that always is!
This year Barry’s only home for 4 days before he has to fly out to the mines again, so I told everyone that we’ll be at home all day and they can just pop round for a slice of Christmas cake and a cuppa whenever they feel like it. Not that I’ll be getting up off my arse to get anyone anything! I’ll be too busy lying in the inflatable pool I bought last year in the Boxing Day sales.
I like your style! Sounds like a very relaxing day all around.
Oh it will be love. You can come and join us if you like! I’ve seen photos of your husband and he looks like he’d probably like to roll a few rum and cokes with Barry.
(laughs) Yeah, he doesn’t mind the occasional rum and coke. Although these days he’s more of a beer drinker.
Well as long as he’s not into any of that low carb beer bullshit, he’s welcome to bring a six pack over and join in the festivities.
Thanks Charmaine. That’s very kind of you. We’re actually spending the day at my parent’s house, but we might swing by on Boxing Day.
That would be bloody tops. Mind you, The Boxing Day test will be on, so don’t expect much conversation from me. Are you into sport?
Um….
So there we have it! Looks like Team Kirsten and co. will be spending Boxing Day round at Charmaine and Barry’s place, which, just quietly, I’m a bit nervous about.
What will I wear? And what should I bring? Maybe a plate of prawns and a case of Bacardi Breezers? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated 😉
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