Dear Guy Who Wants Me To Join Other Local MILFS

Dear Guy Who Wants Me To Join Other Local MILFS For A Meet And Greet

Firstly, thanks for your email.  It’s not often I receive emails with the subject line ‘Want to join other local MILFS?’ so naturally I was both flattered and intrigued.

Flattered because the last time anybody referred to me as a MILF was, well, never and intrigued because what would I be joining the other MILFS for?  

A crafternoon perhaps?  I mean I’m not big on DIY, but if Tonia Todman was going to be in attendance,  I’d be there quicker than you could say pass me the hot glue gun!

Or maybe you were thinking of running some sort of coffee and cake morning?  That sounds like my kind of morning, although the Food Nazi probably wouldn’t approve of the cake bit and I’m not so sure I really need to meet some random and a bunch of other borderline attractive mothers in a hall somewhere to get my hands on a free cuppa.

So I opened your email and I discovered that you would like me to head along to a mystery location where I would be able to join other local MILFS for a meet and greet.  

Now I have two concerns about your request:

1.  I watched Oprah every day for 25 years once and she had some kidnapping expert on who said something that has stayed with me forever: NEVER LET A STRANGER TAKE YOU TO A SECOND LOCATION because if you do, you’re in all sorts of trouble.

For the purposes of my own personal safety and because I’d quite like to see my children grow up, I’m going to substitute the word SECOND for MYSTERY, okay? Thanks.

2.  Am I the only one who thinks it would be just SO WEIRD to sit in a room with other local MILFS?  I mean how awkward will it be when I rock up and it’s just me and 20 other mums from school all sitting in a room staring at each other?

I’m useless at small talk at the best of times (this post: How Not To Network proves that claim nicely) but what am I meant to say when I find out that Lorraine who volunteers at tuck shop every second Tuesday and makes a mean curried egg sandwich is also a local MILF?  

Trust me when I tell you that I would be shocked to see her there but then again, I’m really surprised to also be on the list, so I’m guessing your criteria is perhaps based more on cooking ability than how many teeth we have.

Full set of chompers AND can cook.  It’s a MILF jackpot!

Watch the latest Cocktails With Kirsten (and Guns) episode here: How To Make A Mojito

So thanks for your offer random guy who wants me to join other local MILFS for a meet and greet.  As tempting as it is, I’m busy that day, doing something that I haven’t planned yet, so it’s a no from me.

Although my mate Charmaine might be keen.  I’ll flick your email onto her and she’ll either tell you to pi$$ off or ask what flavour Bacardi Breezers you will be serving.

Cheers,

Kirsten

What’s the stupidest email you’ve ever received?  Ever been to a MILF meet and greet? Made a mojito recently?  Tell me all the things!