As many of you would already know, I’m what can only be described as a bit of a Royalist. So you can imagine my excitement when I heard on the news a while back that Kate, Wills and George will be in Brisbane next month.
The last time I caught up with the royal family, I was 12. I’d heard on the radio that The Queen would be travelling in a motorcade down Papanui Road at 1pm on a Saturday, so I jumped on my bike and rode down to see her. It took me a solid 15 minutes to bike there and The Queen whizzed past me so quickly in her fancy black car that all I saw was a blurry white glove which I’m fairly sure was waving at me. Or possibly fixing her hat. It’s hard to say.
Anyway, I’ve been doing a bit of research into how I could possibly get to meet The Young Royals when they’re here and it’s not looking good. Apparently they’re only keen to meet people who have done clever things for their local community. Sadly, the only clever things I’ve done lately involve purchasing clothes at 75% off, which, as Guns kindly pointed out, probably doesn’t really count as contributing to the community in any way. He did however sympathise heavily with my whinging that it’s just not fair that Over Achievers get all the glory, while hardcore fans like me miss out. Personally, I reckon Kate and Wills should take a leaf out of Katy Perry’s book and offer Meet and Greet tickets prior to each of their engagements. I mean, can you imagine how much fun Kate and I would have, discussing things like who picks up the corgi poop at The Palace and on a scale of 1-Phar Lap, how horsey does Camilla actually look in real life?
Giddy Up Duchess
But then I discovered that while they’re here, Kate and Wills require the services of a nanny for baby George. Because his current nanny is Williams old nanny, which makes her approximately 102 and unable to fly. Um, winning. So here we go with this week’s Friday Five: Royal Edition…5 reasons why I should be Prince George’s Australian Nanny. Enjoy….
1. Despite the fact that every time I board a plane I have to take what can only be described as a Hard Right and pleb it down the back in economy, I firmly believe I am made, made I tell you, to fly First Class. I mean who would be better at chugging on expensive champagne holding the baby while kicking back on a flat bed singing him sweet lullabies IN FIRST CLASS? Me. That’s who.
2. Speaking of lullabies, now is probably an appropriate time to point out that I’m a fully qualified Early Childhood Teacher with an expired First Aid Certificate. So when Kate and Wills need someone to sing/read/make play dough animals with baby George and possibly administer an epi pen, I’ll definitely be able to give them a number of someone who can help.
3. Now sadly my Grandmother is no longer with us, but when she was, she was Dead Set Posh. Just like William’s. She also rocked a Light Perm and was quite fond of Wearing Brooches. Just like William’s. Unfortunately my Grandmother was never fortunate enough to get her head on a coin, but I reckon I could probably have a crack at melting down some of my jewellery, Real Housewives of Melbourne Style and etching Grandma’s head onto a silver nugget using a bobby pin if need be.
Not my Grandmother, but pretty much could be.
4. Now for Number 4, I was going to say that like William, I too have a brother who’s a bit of a Loose Goose. But then I thought my brother might read this and get offended by the fact that I’ve called him that, because to be honest, it’s been quite a few years since he’s called me at 3 in the morning, singing a Hunters and Collectors song with 50 of his closest mates at some trendy inner city bar. But then I remembered the most recent phone convo we had, where he informed me that he had “no bloody idea what a blog is” and I realised we’re totally good to go with the Loose Goose label.
Not my brother, but definitely could be.
5. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I can change a nappy while holding a conversation on my phone AND ordering clothes online. I KNOW. I have totally got this online shopping nanny thing sorted. Kate and William would be MAD, stark raving MAD not to hire me.
Have a good weekend everyone. What are you up to? I’m heading off to a fancy pants high tea fund raiser with Pam and her friends. Apparently champagne and possibly a bit of botox will be involved, which if you ask me, sounds A LOT like I’m about to step into an episode of The Real Housewives of The Gold Coast. Rest assured, I will definitely be taking photos and blogging about it x
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