Funny Birth Story For You

So here’s a funny birth story for you and one that I’m fairly sure didn’t happen to Our Kate during her recent short stint in the maternity ward.

When Bailey was born, almost 14 years ago, Scott and I were a bit old school and decided not to find out if we were having a boy or a girl.  

I thought it was hilarious to answer the commonly asked question of, “So do you know what you’re having?” with “I’m fairly sure it’s a baby” while Scott’s answer to “So have you picked out any names yet?” was “If it’s a boy we love the names Beverly, Bok Choy or Chow Ling”  Honestly.  He trotted that line out every.single.time somebody asked us about names and still to this day it cracks me up.

Anyway, being the two borderline smartarses comedians that we were back then, we were stoked when we discovered our obstetrician was a bit of a loose unit.  Every appointment I had with him pretty much involved him asking me if I knew the answer to 24 across in the latest crossword he was doing before he’d tell me I was growing a very healthy baby.  

Fast forward to Bailey’s arrival and after 17 hours of labour our obstetrician rocks up.  It was just after midnight and he had literally rolled out of bed.  Think hair standing up, a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt with holes in it.  He walked into the birthing suite (which FYI is NOTHING like a suite at all), threw on a pair of gumboots, shoved a bucket at the end of the bed and told me to push.  I did and god knows how much later, we had a baby boy.

I turned to Scott and said, “Do you still want to call him Bailey?”  to which the obstetrician answered, “BARRY?!  Sorry but you can’t call your kid BARRY!  He’ll spend his entire life being beaten up outside the toilets at school if you call him BARRY!”

I turned to him and said something along the lines of, “Thanks for your input but I said BAILEY.”

He then answered with, “Thank god for that” before telling us his work here was done and he was going back to bed.  Lucky bugger.

Fast forward a few hours and I’m in my hospital room, still numb from the waist down thanks to the epidural I’d had, when a nurse came in to check on me.  She asked if there was anything I needed and I replied with, “No thanks, but something just fell of the bed.  Are you able to get it for me?”

She walked around to the right side of the bed and said, “Luv, it’s your leg” before gently lifting my numb limb from the side of the bed and placing it back under the covers!

Four days later and it was time for Team Smith to go home.  

I left the hospital wearing size enormous maternity pants, a t-shirt covered in stains from the bunch of lilies I was carrying and hair that was in desperate need of a wash.  

It took Scott approximately 472 attempts to get the baby capsule into the car and once we were home Mum rang to say, “We were going to come over and visit this afternoon but your father has just come down with a shocking case of diarrhea so I think it’s probably best if we stay well clear of our new grandson for a while.”

Scott & I are many things, but Wills and Kate we definitely ARE NOT!

Got a funny birth story to tell?  I’m all ears!