Ever wondered how to get on a reality TV show? Me neither!
But today, after watching 45 minutes of Vanderpump Rules being filmed on the beach in front of me, I’m going to show you how.
STEP ONE: Do not, under any circumstances, consume a carb of any kind. Unless you are trying to get onto a weight loss show, in which case go in hard with the carb loading prior to your audition AND your first weigh in.
STEP TWO: Don’t worry about bringing in a resume of any kind to your audition. You won’t need one. You will however need to look exceptionally good while bending over in front of a family of rather shocked looking international tourists, wearing nothing but a very small black g string that is wedged fair up your arse and a matching bikini top!
STEP THREE: You’ll need to be able to multi-task in high pressure situations. For example, how good are you at balancing on a floating mat while holding a drink and not getting your hair wet? Don’t laugh. It’s harder than it looks!
STEP FOUR: You will need patience and a lot of it. There will be A LOT of standing around while your co-workers are being filmed (bit boring) and many scenes where you will need to chat to your “friends” about various things, all while strategically holding cans of drinks or bottles of water that subtly show the audience the brand name.
STEP FIVE: Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you’ll need to understand that pretty much nothing in a reality show is actually real. For example, you might have to do a scene that involves having a surfing lesson, but the surfing instructor will actually be a model who will lie on the board and pretend to show you how to surf. You’ll look like you’re interested and then pretend to run into the water for a surf, but nobody will actually go surfing.
Instead, everyone will look fabulous in teeny tiny bikinis and flex their six packs and random Australian housewives will take photos of you and blog about it. It will be a bit weird and won’t make a lot of sense, but you will be making a shit load of coin for pretending to ride a surfboard and the housewife who blogs will be flying back home to miserable weather and another round of school runs, so it’s safe to say reality TV is the winner in that one!
Have you been on a reality TV show? Know someone who has? Do tell!
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