If you read this post: Let’s Make Some Goals! last month, you’ll know that one of my many highly ambitious goals for 2016 is to remain entirely kale free.
I knew when setting that goal that it wasn’t going to be easy. I mean for a start, kale is the IT GIRL of the super foods.
She’s all, “Look at me and my fancy leaves. You need to sprinkle me with pink organic sea salt and gently push me into your solar powered clay oven to create delicious sort of crispy chips that you will dip into your homemade humus while discussing important life issues like the new cross fit timetable with your friends via pigeon carrier.” I mean that sort of charm is hard to resist.
So in order to achieve my goal of remaining kale free in 2016, I’ve taken a 3 step approach.
I did think about writing an e-book called I Quit Kale to share these rigorous detox steps with fellow kale addicts but then I poured myself a champers and the moment sort of passed.
Which is probably a good thing because it means I’m going to share a condensed version right here instead. YOU ARE WELCOME!
How To Quit Kale by Kirsten Smith
Step One: Ignore The Kale
This step is the most important. Whenever you see kale, simply ignore it.
Don’t look at it, don’t acknowledge it and most importantly, don’t ever, under any circumstances make eye contact with it.
You are in control of the situation, not the kale. Saying that to yourself several times can help in a crisis situation. A crisis situation includes but is not limited to, walking into a health store, lunching at a gluten-free cafe or accidentally attending a vegan friendly church service.
Step Two: Replace The Kale
Once you have mastered step one, you can move onto step two.
This is quite exciting as it means you have detoxed your body of the kale and are now ready to replace it with food that will bring you more joy and nourishment than kale ever could.
I’m talking ACTUAL CHIPS. THAT COME FROM A POTATO. Here’s a recipe for you: How To Make The Best Crispy Roast Potatoes
And ACTUAL BROWNIES. THAT ARE BROWN AND NOT GREEN. You need these in your life: Cookie Dough Brownies
Or how about SMOOTHIES THAT ARE ACTUALLY SMOOTH. Grab your Kale free smoothie recipe right here: Mix & Go PRO Smoothie Recipe
If you’re under 35 this will basically be a food revolution as you will be eating in a way that you’ve never experienced. If you’re 35 and over, could one of you pass me the slab of cheese and packet of Jatz crackers? Thanks so much!
Step Three: Find A Support Network
This is key to ensuring kale free success. Nobody wants to slip back into their old habits, so find a few friends who also like to drink wine, coffee, milkshakes, tea, anything other than kale juice and meet up with them on a regular basis for a slice of kale free cake.
This will also ensure that your children remain kale free (important) and perhaps most importantly, will prevent you from wanting to do things such as create Kale boards on Pinterest or say odd things to your husband like, “Look honey, I made a kale salad for dinner!”
How To Quit Kale Success Stories
I don’t mean to brag but I have been following my How To Quit Kale three-step program to the letter for the past 15 days and I am pleased to report that I haven’t craved kale once. Not once!
I know it’s very early days and set backs from time to time are likely, but I’m feeling strong and know I can do this.
I’ve even got a hashtag that I’m using on photos over on Instagram #kalefree which you will see on photos of things like coffee, champers and various other kale free food shots, so I really am taking things VERY seriously 😉
What are you quitting this year? Kale or something else? Want to join my three-step program or are you busy juicing a taco?
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