Noosa, Queensland. In what can only be described as a controversial decision, Brisbane based mother of two, Kirsten Smith, decided to leave her much-loved Nespresso coffee machine at home when leaving for a family holiday to Noosa on Monday.
This decision came despite conducting an in-depth survey prior to leaving for the holiday, where 100% of participants answered with a YES.
When asked why she didn’t pack her coffee machine in amongst her kaftans and frizz free hair products, Kirsten told us, “Look, I meant to but to be honest I completely forgot. Also, my husband has a bit of a thing for packing the boot of the car like it’s a game of tetris, which just quietly gives me an epic case of the irrits. I could only imagine how he would react if I tried to throw a coffee machine into the mix of overnight bags, suitcases and beach umbrellas, so I gave it a miss!”
Kirsten went on to tell us, “So this week I’ve been forced to get out of bed at some ungodly hour, quickly get dressed, walk across the road while trying not to frighten small children with my out of control, unwashed hair and pay a whopping $4.75 for a takeaway coffee every morning!
Not only is it expensive but holding that coffee is really uncomfortable. It’s hot in my poorly executed at-home manicured hands and I have to put it down for a few minutes until it’s cool enough to handle. How is that a relaxing way to start your morning?!”
Indeed.
“I know people are probably going to ask why I don’t just make a coffee in the hotel room using a jug, but I’m a bit too up myself for that. It’s not that I’m opposed to instant or anything, it’s just that I can’t drink coffee without the milk all frothed up, you know? I think it’s like an allergy thing?
Like maybe I’m allergic to coffee made in a jug. Yeah, that’s what it is! Put that in your article. Don’t put that bit in about me being up myself cos that sounds a bit wanky and I’m not wanky. If we say I’ve got an allergy, people will be all, oh you poor thing. You can only drink a cappuccino from an actual coffee shop. That must be so hard.”
Our office contacted Kirsten’s long-suffering and very patient husband, Scott, for a comment. He gave an intense eye roll with hefty sigh chaser.
Disclaimer: Scott was not paid to appear in this article. However we did feel sorry for him so sent him a carton of beer and a shirt.
Scott will be donating the shirt to a local charity.
Kirsten would also like to point out that sometimes readers take what she writes quite literally and she means no offence when she references instant coffee, water boiled in jugs, people with allergies or who are up themselves.
For the record, she does not have an allergy to coffee made using a jug and a spoonful of instant coffee and has been known to drink it on several occasions. Usually when in a hostage situation.
Do you take your coffee machine with you on holidays? Are you a bit up yourself? Does your hair frighten small children first thing in the morning? We’re dealing with some BIG ISSUES today people!
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