I don’t know about you but people watching would have to be one of my favourite hobbies. I also quite like to drive my family batshit crazy entertain whoever is sitting with me at the time, by making up stories about the people who wander by “That’s Janice and Gerard. They’re up from Sydney. Flew in using their frequent flyer points. She paints in her spare time and he drinks scotch. Lovely couple.”
Anyway last week, while holidaying in Noosa, I hit what can only be described at the people watching jackpot.
We stayed at a place called Fairshore, which provided superior beachfront and perhaps most importantly, boardwalk views. Because first thing in the morning, the boardwalk is where the best people watching happens!
Here, in no particular order, are the types of people you will see on that boardwalk between the hours of 6am and 8am every single day.
Let’s Go People Watching In Noosa!
1. Speedo Man
He’s usually in his 60’s, quite fit and has skin that could be mistaken for a pair of leather shoes. His speedos are always black and he never wears shoes.
This is because Speedo Man is basically the James Bond of the beach. He is ready to leap into action (albeit in VERY SLOW MOTION) at any given moment. You will see him walking along the boardwalk in one direction and on his return, he will be walking along the water’s edge. Because he might want to get in the water and do a few laps. Then again he might not. Probably because he doesn’t have a towel.
2. The Sun Smart Couple
They are in their mid to late 50’s and are covered from head to toe in Cancer Council Approved EVERYTHING, thanks to a minor mole scare 6 and a half years ago at one of those mobile mole clinics.
They’re wearing matching white very wide-brimmed hats (to reflect the sun, obvs), full lengthened rashies that cover their necks and wrists, knee-length board shorts, wrap around sunglasses complete with those straps attached that save your sunnies from falling off your head and shoes that almost look like crocs but on closer inspection are actually some sort of croc-kyaking footwear hybrid.
They walk together while holding hands and chatting about how lovely it is in the shade. The Sun Smart Couple would like to look at each other while walking, however the high neck arrangement on their rashies, combined with the sunglasses and toggle on their wide-brimmed hat situation prevents their necks from turning left or right.
3. The Slightly Frazzled Father
This poor bloke has been working his arse off all year so he can take his wife, 2.5 year old and 6 month old on a holiday. He was beside himself at the thought of sinking back a few beers on the beach, watching his kids build a few sand castles and maybe even ripping one of with his wife IF he played his cards right.
Which is why he’s been up since 4.35am EVERY SINGLE DAY since they got here. You know, to let his wife sleep in, so she can rest and have the holiday she needs/deserves/wants. So he’s down there, on the boardwalk, with a baby in a pram and another who should be standing on the back of it but refuses to because running on the sand is much more fun when you’re two.
Except it’s not really that much fun when you’re a frazzled father who can’t work out how the hell he’s going to get the two-year old off the beach while he also has the baby in the pram. Maybe he should’ve put the baby in that carrier thing like his wife told him to after all? But then how would he drink his takeaway coffee without spilling it on the baby’s head? And why, for the love of god, won’t the two-year old listen? All the books say he should be listening by now. Is it too early for a vodka?
4. The Stroller
This is the Slightly Frazzled Father’s worst nightmare. The Stroller is basically me. A slightly overweight woman in her 40’s who only leaves the comfort of her balcony to stroll downstairs to get herself a takeaway coffee (possibly because she decided to leave her own coffee machine at home!)
She’ll stroll along the boardwalk at a snail’s pace, stopping along the way to look at the ocean and peek into other hotels. She’s on her own because her children are older and don’t require assistance to unwrap their food, go to the toilet or wipe their noses anymore. She’s pretty much a pain in the arse to every parent on holiday with children under the age of 8.
5. The Extended Family
The Extended Family usually consists of 22 family members, most of whom are wearing matching linen shirts and chinos. They’ve flown in from Melbourne and can’t believe how good the weather is. They’re on their way to breakfast (Did you book? Yes Mum, I booked!) and they are TAKING UP THE ENTIRE WIDTH OF THE BOARDWALK AND NO YOU MAY NOT PASS THEM.
The Extended Family will continue to take up the entire width of the boardwalk until they reach their destination. Occasionally they will stop walking, without warning, in the middle of the boardwalk, which will cause quite the boardwalk pile up behind them.
They will turn around and say sorry, as you almost plough straight into them, but they’ll be more concerned about the creases in their linen shirts than the hot coffee that you almost spilt down the front of yourself (you’re not that bothered either, tbh, because let’s face it, spilling things down the front of yourself is nothing new!)
6. The Active Wearers
The Active Wearers fall into two distinct categories. They either travel alone or in packs.
The Solo Active Wearer means business. She is decked out head to toe in her Lorna Jane Active Wear, has her head phones in and is running like she’s training in a marathon. I think that’s because she probably actually is training for a marathon.
The Group Active Wearers have a strict 3 or less policy. That’s right, there can be no more than 3 Active Wearers in a group at any one time. They too wear nothing by Lorna Jane, but the headphones are replaced with conversation and the running is replaced with walking. If the walking was replaced with sitting and the Active Wear was replaced with anything else, I might consider signing up!
Have you been to Noosa? Are you a fan of people watching? Got any others you’d like to add?
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