The Real Housewives of Melbourne
L-R: Pettifleur, Chyka, Janet, Gamble, Jackie, Susie, Lydia, Gina
Gamble’s Wedding Day In Byron Bay
Episode 7 of The Real Housewives of Melbourne continues (you can catch up on last week’s recap here: It’s Gamble’s Wedding Day!) with the wedding reception of Mr and Mrs Wolf.
Gamble has had an outfit change, Chyka encourages Susie to send the hot Italian bloke a text and Lyds asks Brian why he’s horny all the time.
Gina’s pissed that word has got out about her Celebrity Apprentice Viewing Party that wasn’t a Celebrity Apprentice Viewing Party (CAVP) while Chyka, Jackie and Janet are onto solving this CAVP caper quicker than Mr Bouris can put a call through to his faux secretary, telling the contestants he’s ready for them.
Chyka quizzes a nervous looking random called Bodie, who admits to watching the show in Gina’s room the night before, so that’s one solid witness.
Jackie and Janet work together to get information out of Alin, wedding dress designer/wedding planner/gold paisley sequined jacket lover, who tells them he was invited to the “birthday party” in Gina’s room but chose to watch the show in his own room. Sensible choice Alin.
Gina tries to stay one stiletto ahead of the super sleuths and raises the issue with Gamble. She tells Gamble the CAVP rumour is all nonsense and the only thing that happened in her room the night before Gamble’s wedding was cake for her son’s birthday.
Rick and Gamble’s Wedding Dinner
The storm that has been threatening all day finally hits and everyone runs for cover.
The human height cake looks like it might topple over and Chyka and Bruce attempt to rescue it. They don’t have much luck and I am almost certain I heard Chyka drop the f bomb towards the end of the attempted cake rescue.
I doubt very much that would be the case, as Chyka doesn’t strike me as the type to ever drop the f bomb. However given that she has now been reading these blog posts for two weeks in a row, I can only assume that Chyka is just like me – two champers in and the f bombs make the occasional appearance.
Personally I think it’s an allergy thing.
Let The Interrogation Begin!
After the cake was rescued and the speeches were made, Janet and Chyka bailed Gina up about her CAVP/Birthday Cake departure from the cocktail party the night before.
Janet: “Did you have a party in your room last night when you should’ve been with Gamble?”
Gina: “OMG have you seen my room?”
Janet: “Bodie told me he went.”
Gina: “But it was Myles’s birthday!”
Janet: “Alin told me that you invited him.”
Gina: “No I didn’t. To my room?”
Janet: “Yes”
Gina: “I didn’t go back to have a party. I went back to have cake.”
Me: “Sounds fair. I could go a piece of cake right about now. Do you have any with you?”
Gina: “I’m sorry, have we met?”
Me: “No, we haven’t. I’m Kirsten. I write recaps about you each week.”
Gina: “Oh. Right. Well could you move your notebook and pen out of the way because you’re in the middle of this scene and I’m trying to tell these ladies that I ate cake.”
Me: “Yep, sure. To be honest I’m actually here to meet Chyka. I know it sounds a bit weird but I put ‘meeting a real housewife of anywhere’ on my list of things to achieve in 2016 (click here to read the full list) and since Chyka has been reading my blog, well obviously she’s become my favourite and while it’s been lovely chatting to you, could you and your hair just move to the left a bit so I can actually see Chyka?”
Gina: “Oh FFS. Where the hell is security when you need them?”
Chyka: “Settle down Gina. We don’t need security. Kirsten’s with me. My people called her people and today she’s getting the full housewife experience. After this we’re off to my place so she can see my necklace storage facility and then we’re heading to Pottery Barn for a glass of champers while we admire the thread count of their pillowcases!”
Gina: “That sounds like fucking torture. Here, have a bottle of my new fragrance. Spray it into your perm. It’ll have you smelling like a real housewife in no time!”
Me: “Um, ok. Thanks. Also, it’s not a perm.”
After a fair bit of questioning from Janet, Gina admits that, yes, she did watch Celebrity Apprentice in her room but only because her boys wanted to watch it.
Janet suggests that Gamble might be hurt to know that her best friend buggered off early to watch herself on TV.
Gina replied with, “How about you all go f*&k yourselves. I’m not doing this shit. Get f*&ked” which, I don’t know about you, but really left me feeling quite unclear about how Gina felt about things!
A few days later…
Janet and Jackie are meeting for coffee. Jackie’s feeling nauseas, doesn’t order a wine and tells the waiter to skip the brie on her burger. Janet thinks Jackie’s preggas and I’m concerned Jackie’s becoming an organic vegan.
They discuss the Gina CAVP fiasco (“She only thinks about herself), Susie and the hot Italian (he’s coming to Melbs!) and Janet and Brian (“he’s fully into you!”)
Gina visits her dad
Meanwhile Gina visits her dad who is 82, has dementia and lives in a nursing home. She gives him a copy of her autobiography, shows him photos of family members and reminds him who they are.
“I’d like to be able to see him three times a week,” Gina tells us “but my life just doesn’t accommodate the frequency. I know one day I’ll sit back and probably regret that.”
How not to drop out of uni
Over at The Big Group HQ Bruce and Chyka (Team BC) are having a little chat with their daughter Chessie.
Chessie is studying Business Marketing at uni and has “no motivation.” Chessie wasn’t to drop out of uni, Team BC are having none of it and I’m loving their approach sick.
Chessie is 21 and thinks uni is boring.
Team BC are awesome and think Chessie should finish what she starts.
Chessie thinks her parents are being “really annoying right now” which is obviously code for “Aw crap. Mum and Dad are right again. Why do they have to sit on the couch like that, being all sensible and understanding? Looks like I’m back at uni for another two years.”
Double Date For The Win
Meanwhile, Janet and Susie are about to go on a double date with Christopher and the hot Italian.
They’ve worked out a code in case their dates are duds. An ear tug = we need to get to the loos for a debrief ASAP!
The dates arrive and the usual questions are asked.
Marcello works in environmental science while Christopher makes infant formula for babies.
Janet asks Christopher if he takes any medication (um, ok)
“Not that I know of” comes his reply. “Oh you should!” says Janet (alrighty then!)
Dinner progresses and the more Marcello talks the more uncomfortable Susie is feeling. Before long she’s tugging on her ear so much, it’s beetroot red.
Janet finally picks up on Susie’s ear signals and they excuse themselves. Susie’s not into Marcello’s talk about women being useful for either sex or marriage and gets the hell out of there.
Happy Birthday Myles
Gina’s been busy whipping up a feast for Myles’s 19th birthday. Which is odd, because didn’t they celebrate it the night before Gamble’s wedding?
There’s a large number of guests arriving any minute, including PF and Lyds.
Gina offers them a drink and Lyds says she “would love what that is” while pointing to a glass on the bench.
Gina tells her it’s water and Lyds says she’d love some of that before taking a sip and saying, “it’s very soft.”
Soft water. It’s a thing.
PF, Lyds and Gina discuss the wedding and Lyds raises the CAVP thing. Gina tells PF & Lyds that she watched the show in her room with her boys because they suggested it. She can’t understand why Gamble would be upset about that and asks if Gamble is bitching about her behind her back.
And that my fellow Real Housewife loving friends, is where this week’s episode ends.
What will happen in Episode 8? Will Gamble confront Gina? Will Jackie announce she’s a vegan? Will Chyka’s people call my people? See you back here next week, where all will be revealed!
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