Once upon a time my answer to pretty much everything was yes. Mostly because I thought it was rude to say no, even to things I didn’t actually want to do.
I also thought if I said no, it would upset whoever was asking and that’s never fun.
And finally, I worried about what would people think of me if I said no.
People Pleaser much?
But since being diagnosed with IIH in May of 2015, I have become an expert at saying no.
The last twelve months have taught me that life is far too short to be doing anything I don’t actually want to be doing (Thanks so much for asking me, but yoga just isn’t my thing) or spending time with people who leave me feeling drained or upset whenever I see them (I won’t be able to make it to your *insert event here* because I’ve got something else on that day. Sorry!)
So at the ripe old age of 43 I’ve finally worked out that it’s ok to put yourself first every once and here’s how you can do it too.
How To Say No Like A Pro
1. Don’t lie
Please don’t do this. Nobody likes a liar and telling fibs will only make you look like a fool when you get caught out. Read on to learn how you can say no in a mature and honest way.
2. Give one simple reason not several silly excuses
“Hey, I wish I could donate some money to your Dry July fundraiser thing but I can’t afford it” is a reason that politely and effectively says no. Congrats! You’re off the donation hook.
“Hey, I wish I could donate to your Dry July fundraiser thing but I think I’ve left my wallet at home today. Or maybe it’s in the car? My boyfriend might be able to drop it off at lunchtime if it is at home but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get hold of him because he’s on a job site today and won’t be able to answer his phone. Can I give you some money for it tomorrow if I remember?” are excuses that almost sound like lies and don’t actually say no.
That approach leaves you wide open to having to make a donation tomorrow with the added bonus of sounding like a bit of a fool with verbal diarrhea.
I’m yet to meet anyone who likes fools or bowel related issues (apologies if you’re eating while reading this) so again, be honest and offer one simple reason.
3. Stop worrying about what the other person will think of you
If someone asks something of you, you are allowed to say no. That’s why people ask favours – to find out if your answer is yes or no!
You can’t control anyones thoughts or feelings except your own, so why waste time worrying about what someone else thinks of you? It’s not like you can actually do anything about their thoughts or opinions anyway, so give them your polite no to their request and move on. If they have an issue with your answer, it’s just that – THEIR issue. Not yours.
Once you’ve got that sorted, you’ll be able to politely say no to anything and anyone! And once you start saying no to all the things you don’t want to do and people you don’t really want to socialise with, you’ll be rewarded with more time to do all the things and hang out with all the people who are actually important to you.
And isn’t that what living should be all about? Doing what we love instead of doing what we feel obligated to do? I think that’s what they call freedom with a happiness chaser. And just quietly, it feels bloody great x
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