Welcome to this week’s Blast From The Past. I first told this story about a year ago, but it’s one that never gets old!
So many years ago I attended a rather fancy work function with a very good friend of mine. She’d been invited to attend the swanky ‘industry only’ event and asked me if I’d like to tag along. Um, open bar, non stop canapes and a room full of beautiful people? That would be a yes!
The only catch was, I had to pretend I worked for my friend in order to attend the function and make a fair bit of small talk with the other professional types who would be at the event.
Now I know this will shock you, but I’m actually really crap at small talk. I never know what to say to people who I’m meeting for the first time and usually end up saying something really inappropriate. Naturally this leads to things going from pleasantly polite to super awkward VERY quickly!
So during the taxi ride into town, my friend decided that the best approach would be for me to tell everyone I was her PA. Too easy. All I had to do was pretend to be the person who answers the phones and runs errands for my very lovely and very talented faux boss. That would make the whole small talk thing really easy (“So what is it you do?” “Oh I answer the phones and make sure everyone has a full cup of coffee at all times. It’s pretty much my dream job!”) and keep the night ticking over smoothly.
Except there was one slight flaw in our plan.
Free booze. And plenty of it.
After several rather large drinks, I found myself telling the beautiful people around me that I was in fact the Head Pattern Cutter at the company my friend owned and spent a lot of time complaining how sore my hands were. You know, from cutting out dress patterns all day long.
At one point I found myself talking to the Editor of a very well-known magazine and she asked the fateful question, “So what exactly did you do before you became the Head Pattern Cutter?” To which I cleverly replied, “Oh I was an early childhood teacher.” (Because at the time, I actually was.)
The Editor raised one eyebrow, looked me up and down and replied, “Well that’s quite a leap, going from early childhood teacher to Head Pattern Cutter with very little dressmaking experience.”
And what was my witty reply, I hear you ask. Well brace yourself because it went a little something like this: “Not really. Both jobs involve using scissors.”
Cue awkward silence (her) and intense vodka sipping (me)
Are you good at small talk? Or do you prefer to make up random stories too?
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