People, I’m not going to lie. This week at Kirsten and co. HQ has been what can only be described as Dead Set Boring. There were only two things that happened that are worth a mention, so it’s pretty much slim pickings for this week’s Friday Five. But, I’m nothing if not professional, so I’ll do my best to belt out five things just for you. Here we go…
1. On Wednesday, Scott had to get a mole removed from the back of his neck. It had been sitting there for ages looking all weird and gross, so I was relieved when he finally did something about it. The procedure itself was fairly quick and 20 minutes after walking into the surgery, he was walking back out. Looking very, um, pale.
Now a couple of years ago my dad had open heart surgery and when we went to visit him in intensive care, Scott took one look at Dad lying there in an induced coma and promptly fainted. Which wasn’t at all irritating for the nurses who had other pesky things to do like monitor life support systems and top up blood supplies. So when he walked out of the dermatologists office looking a very odd shade of beige, I thought to myself “Oh FFS, here we go again” before telling him to sit down, put his head between his legs and stay there until the need to fall flat on the floor goes away.
Scott reluctantly did as he was told (what is it with men not following medical advice? I mean I’ve got a Senior First Aid Certificate that expired 4 years ago, so I’m fairly sure I know what I’m doing) while I flapped about getting him a drink of water and rolling my eyes smiling politely at the young girl on reception. Who, btw, looked very concerned/nervous about the possible fainting scenario unfolding in her waiting area, because let’s face it, 40 looks really old when you’re 19, so I’m fairly sure she was thinking something along the lines of, “Holy crap, this old guy is totes going to cark it in front of me. I wonder if I should call an ambulance? Nah, that nice young lady looking after him seems to have everything under control. I reckon I’ll just instagram it instead.”
Not the receptionists instagram picture
After 10 minutes of waiting for Scott to man up recover, we headed out the door. As he got into the car, Scott thanked me for looking after him and I was just about to reply when he continued with, “But I have to say, you’re very bossy in emergency situations.”
Finally. A card made just for me.
This of course led me to give him quite the talking to about what actually constitutes an ’emergency situation’ (loosing a limb, for example? I’d say that’s a yes. Almost fainting because you’re a bit scared of all things medical? I’d say that’s a no) And then I politely suggested that I wasn’t actually being bossy, but rather I was saving him from the embarrassment of fainting on an electric blue vinyl floor and perhaps he was actually being just a little bit unco-operative? It was then that Scott revealed he probably almost fainted because he hadn’t eaten anything all day. Cue more eye rolling supportive words from me as I swung into a bakery and purchased Scott a large cheese and bacon roll with a coke chaser, which 5 minutes after inhaling, Scott announced he was feeling much better.
Moral of the story? Carbs and Sugar really do cure everything.
Chocolate Chip Cake recipe can be found right here. You know, should you also have some sort of medical emergency that requires a soothing serve of carbs and sugar.
2. So remember my mission to Bring The Pen Pal Back? Apparently a few people had missed out on receiving a letter because the original contact form I’d provided threw some sort of a tanty and failed to send through everyone’s details to my inbox. That issue has now been resolved and all but one of the 33 letters requested have been sent. That one not sent yet belongs to someone called Jane Brixton. My cousin kindly informed me via instagram that her mate JB had not received a letter yet. I of course flew into a panic, because I hate letting people down and asked my cousin to get her friend to email me ASAP so we could sort this situation out. Fast forward a week or so and I still hadn’t heard anything from the mysterious Jane Brixton, so I figured she was well and truly pinged off and not interested in getting a letter from some old school aussie chick who thinks she can bring back the 80’s using nothing but a pen and some paper.
That was until my cousin messaged me, letting me know that she is actually Jane Brixton as JB is her stripper/hooker name (you know, take your first pet and the first street you lived in and BAM! You’ve got your stripper name) and that she was most disappointed I didn’t receive her original message as it was totally hilarious . Which I’m sure it was. Naturally I fired back an equally hilarious message saying how upset I was not to have the opportunity to send a letter that had nothing but dollar bills and g strings in the envelope and signed off as Bobby McSaveney. I mean, really. Our family is nothing if not classy.
3. In a strange/random turn of events, I goggled McSaveneys Road, Christchurch, New Zealand, in an attempt to find a picture of the house I lived in when I was a born (1973, for the record) and would you believe that I found it?! Because it’s for sale. I mean, seriously. What are the odds?
For those playing along at home, the current owners are looking for offers over $395,000 which just quietly, is a bargain. Especially if you’re a fan of carpet that has been on the floor for over 40 years….
Yes, that’s the original carpet. That I played on as a toddler. Is it any wonder my parents had trouble putting me to sleep sometimes? By the look of that carpet, I was probably on some sort of fugly carpet induced acid high for the first 5 years of my life. And can we just take a moment to discuss why nobody has replaced it?! If you’d like to see the rest of this charming home, feel free to click here (BYO bucket. You will definitely need it.)
And that’s pretty much it from me. Oh apart from the phone call I had from my mum this afternoon. So let’s make that Number 4…
Yep, Pam rang me to let me know that she’d spent all afternoon trying to enter in some competition that required her to ‘like’ a certain page on Facebook. So she set up her own Facebook account, liked the page, entered and the comp and then discovered that, “All these people wanted to be friends with me.” Yes mum, I replied, that’s kind of what Facebook is all about. “Well,” she continued, “That’s just weird. I mean, why would my dentist want to be friends with me? Or the chef from the teppanyaki place we go to? How on earth would these people have even found me? I don’t want any of them knowing where I am. So I rang your father at work and asked him how do I get off Facebook and he was no help, so I’ve deleted the account but apparently it takes 14 days to completely disappear, so god knows how many more people will find me in that time.” Cue a lot of laughter from me and the words, “Um, they can’t actually see you Mum. It’s just how Facebook works. Your name pops up and people request to be friends with you.” To which mum replied, “Well that is just odd. I mean if someone wants to be my friend, they can just come and meet me for a coffee.” Which, really, when you think about it, makes just a little bit of sense.
You totally can. You can also eat your dinner without taking a photo of it AND go away for a weekend without checking in at every.single.place.you.visit. while you’re there. True story.
So there we have it. It’s more like a Friday Four than a Friday Five, which does’t exactly have the same ring to it, but still. It’s better than nothing. Now before you go, I need you to answer this very important question…what’s your stripper name? And has anyone heard from Jane Brixton yet? Have a good weekend. See you back here next week x
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