I don’t know about you but every now and again random things happen to me that leave me thinking, “Seriously Universe, W.T.F” (which FYI Mum, totally means ‘Well That’s Fantastic.”) So here we go with this week’s Random Edition of The Friday Five.
1. Guns left the house early Wednesday morning to fly interstate for work. No biggie. Happens all the time. I spent the day going about my business, whipping up Nutella Scrolls etc. Then I decide I should offset the Nutella goodness by roasting some veggies for my dinner. Which was all going really well, until my hand slipped and I sliced through the top of my middle finger.
Being the organised soul that I am, I of course had a fairly well stocked first aid kit in the pantry so I quickly disinfected the wound, wrapped it tighter than an enthusiastic third year med student doing prac at a country hospital and looked for the vodka!
The next morning the pain hadn’t really eased and the bleeding hadn’t really stopped, so I took myself off to the doctor which brings me to random event Number 2.
2. The lovely young doctor looked at my finger and remarked that I’d done “and excellent job with band-aiding it” and as a result it wouldn’t need any stitches. She then asked me what I was using to cut the veggies when it happened and because I have this irritating habit of cracking jokes whenever I’m nervous/excited/drunk (feel free to select which one of those I was at 8.30am on a Thursday) I replied with, “Oh just the biggest, dirtiest knife I had.” To which the doc answered, “Right, well you are going to need a tetanus shot.”
That of course prompted me to say all sorts of hilarious things like, “That’s fine. But can you just shove it in quickly?” and “Sorry, but I can’t actually hold a conversation with you while you’re flicking that needle around like it’s something I should be looking forward to.”
She then started laughing and said, “Listen, you’re going to have to stop making me laugh if you want me to actually get this thing in your arm.”
So I shut up, she shoved the needle in, I didn’t feel a bloody thing, so I turned to her and said, “Well that was easy. I don’t know what the hell you were worried about.”
Cue more laughing from the doctor and furious typing of notes into her computer, which I presume went along the lines of “Charming, witty and youthful looking young lady. Not at all a needle phob and welcome back anytime.”
3. So after that ordeal, I rang Guns to fill him in on my intense medical situation. He was most sympathetic and only mentioned three times that he’d had a great night out at the pub with his mate the night before, so that was both caring AND considerate of him.
I then informed him that my arm was now throbbing like a mofo (Mum, that means Mean Old Funny Opportunity, but it’s probably not a phrase you need to start flinging around with your golfing pals) and since it was too early for vodka, I was heading to my Happy Place (see photo below) and he was under no circumstances to look at the credit card bill in the next 24 hours.
4. So when I finally reached the mall, I walked inside to find camera crews, journos and security guards swarming the place.
My first thought was, “Well this is quite the welcome” but then I noticed a well dressed, quite short, reasonably handsome old guy talking the to the lovely man at the engraving shop and realised it was Bill Shorten, leader of the Opposition Party.
I wondered what he was doing there and why he was surrounded by such a media circus, but then I saw that he’d just ducked into the fruit shop (obviously a vegan) before whipping into the engravers (must’ve needed some keys cut). The ladies at the optometrist shop next door were waiting patiently at the front door, so obviously he was going to get his eyes checked too.
Not sure what he had to cross of his obviously lengthy ‘to do’ list after that, but the next shop was a nail salon. So I’m assuming a mani/pedi was in order too.
If you squint your eyes, lean to the left and jump up and down you can totally see The Billmeister chatting to Kev* the Engraver. Those fierce looking blokes in the white t shirts are Bills Possie. Don’t they look like enthusiastic young blokes? And look at that camera man with his Superior Overhead Lighting. Bill must be a bit like the Kardashians…always needing good lighting, even when ducking into the mall to run a few errands. Interesting.
*may or may not be his real name.
Why yes, they are my purchases. I threw this picture into the post because every now and again I like to give Guns chest pains. Mission Accomplished I’d say.
5. So after all of that *ahem* celeb spotting and retail therapy, I jumped in my car and cranked up the tunes on my phone. Only to discover that ALL of the songs on Sophie’s iPod had somehow mysteriously synced themselves onto my phone. Yes, I am now the proud owner of the One Direction album, several Justin Bieber songs, a couple of wiggles Christmas Carols AND a very stirring rendition of The National Anthem. FFS. (Mum, that means Fabulous, Fantastic and Sensational)
Is your life a bit random at the moment?
Or maybe you think Bill’s a bit of a hottie. In which case, you’re obviously suffering serious side effects from your earlier tetanus shot and could do with a strong cup of tea and a lie down!
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