I first wrote this post two years ago, on 13th June 2014. Back then it was called The Friday Five: Random Pinterest Edition and today I’ve updated and re-published it because things have been so hectic around here this week that I’ve run out of time to belt out an original Friday Five!
So sit back, relax and I’m sure you’ll have a good old laugh when you reach number three. It seems my kale avoidance ran strong right from the start….
Ok, so those of you who have been here a while will know that I’m a little bit addicted to all things Pinterest.
It’s where I go to do very important things like plan my imaginary dream home or put outfits together. But sometimes, on very rare occasions, rather odd and highly irrelevant images appear on my Pinterest feed, most of which give me a good old laugh because just when you think Pinterest totally gets you, BAM! It throws in an image of an Organic Soy Vanilla Bean Kale Latte.
So here we go with this week’s Friday Five. Enjoy!
Five Things Pinterest Thinks I Need In My Life
1. Pinterest thinks I need Jesus with a choir chaser
Jesus is born! Well yes, yes he is and that is quite lovely but a) you’re about six months too early for that little celebration and b) I haven’t sung in a choir since I was in high school.
(FYI: when you go to an all girls school and the options of things to do at lunch time are limited to joining the choir, participate in some sort of sporting activity, attend chemistry club or meet with your maths teacher for a quick Q&A as to why you insist on talking in every.single.maths.class, then you take Option 1 and join that choir!)
So thank you Pinterest, but I’ll give your reader’s theatre and choral reading package a miss for now.
2. Pinterest thinks I need to buy a goat
I’m sorry, say what now? You’d like me to buy a goat AND give me a simple guide as to how to do that. I mean, have we even met?!
First of all, as if I need ANY pointers when it comes to shopping.
And second of all, that’s a simple guide to buying your first goat. Hate to break it to you Pinterest, but I’ve already got several in my backyard*, but if you could tell me how to get the damn things to stop eating all of the fruit in my orchard** THAT would be something I’d like to read.
* may or may not be true
** ‘orchard’ is a very loose term for one lime and one lemon tree, both growing purely to be used in my Coronas (obviously)
3. Pinterest thinks I should drink kale
Oh FFS. No amount of cute paper straw in a hipster jar action is going to ever convince me that Kale tastes good.
And as for going on a detox?! Let’s just say the closest I’ve ever come to doing any sort of detox was when I decided to give up carbs. Honestly, it was the worst 20 minutes of my life!
Sorry Pinterest, I think I’ll have to pass.
4. Pinterest thinks I need to visualise sh*t
Um, excuse me Pinterest, but what exactly are you trying to say? That I’m flabby and insecure?! I’ll have you know that I am only one of those two things, thanks very much!
Also, you should probably know that I’ve been trying to run towards the thin, confident new me since 1987 and I’m bloody exhausted.
So if you don’t mind, I’m going to pour myself a drink and possibly inhale some sort of baked goods while listening to my own podcast. It’s called Two Chatty Chicks and you can even find it on iTunes now. I know. I can’t believe I was cheeky enough to plug the podcast during a Friday Five either!
5. FINALLY. Pinterest gets me.
Now THIS I would wear! Although, now that I think about it, wearing this t-shirt would cause all sorts of issues for people walking towards me.
Mostly because they’d take one look at me wearing it and think to themselves, “No shit Sherlock” instead of, “Really?! Well that surprises me because she is in great shape. I wonder how she does it?” To which my answer would be, “It takes a lot of couch time and long romantic walks to the fridge to look this good!”
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