Today Scott, the kids and I went out for lunch. He had a burger, I had a salad. The company was good, the weather was lovely, etc.
I wore my current favourite top with a skirt that does a terrific job at sucking in all those pesky lumps and bumps that somehow seem to appear after two solid days of eating nothing but ham and chocolate.
Wearing: Katies Embroidered Off The Shoulder Top*, Size 12 $59.95 | Studio W Pencil Skirt, Size 14, was $69.95 but currently on sale for $34.95 | Country Road slides (last season. Purchased when I visited Wisteria Lane AKA, Mrs Woog’s house)
As far as lunches go, it was very pleasant and quite uneventful. But it was at a restaurant where there is a bar attached and everybody knows that’s where the real action happens.
At one point during lunch, a group of older men were propped up at the bar and laughing at something one of them had said.
I glanced over to see them all laughing into their beers, which reminded me of something funny that happened to me at that very bar several years ago and today I thought I’d share it with you….
The One Where I Wore Velvet Pants
So I was out at the bar with my mates Lis and T, enjoying a few glasses of bubbly. It had been a while since we’d had a girls night out, so naturally I had been out earlier that week and purchased a new outfit.
I was wearing black pants and a top of some sort. While I can’t remember the exact details of the top, I do remember the pants being very soft and smooth to the touch.
We were about two champers in when it was my shout for the next round. I was about to stand up, when my mate Lis grabbed my leg and shouted over the DJ (who, I have to say, was belting out the most awesome set of 80’s music we’d heard in quite some time), “OMG I’ve just noticed your pants. Are they….velvet?”
“Um, I think you’ll find they’re soft black jeans” was my retort before Lis shot back with, “Um, I think you’ll find they’re velvet. I mean I am a dress-maker. I’m fairly sure I’d know what velvet looks like.”
“Holy shit. You’re right. I think I AM wearing velvet pants! The lady at Myer told me they were soft black jeans. FFS. I’m wearing old lady pants. If you’ll both excuse me, I’m off to order us a round of hot cocoas and check my dentures out in the mirror” and with that my black velvet pants and I headed for the bar.
Now while I was at the bar, checking out my dentures waiting to be served, there was a group of older men sitting to my left.
One of them struck up a bit of a conversation with me (“how are you tonight, luv?” Um, good thanks “In for a big night are you?” Not really, but thanks for asking) you know, the usual original things men ask when you’re standing at the bar.
I brushed him off, grabbed the three glasses of bubbly I had ordered and headed back to Lis and T.
When I sat down Lis commented that old mate might’ve been cracking onto me, to which I replied, “I think it was the velvet pants.”
“How the hell do you figure that?” T asked
“Um, hello. I think you’ll find they reminded him of his late wife. Plus who wouldn’t want to stroke velvet. The over 60’s love a bit of velvet action. He’s probably got a donna cover made out of it and everything!”
Fast forward a few years and you want to know the funniest thing? Velvet cushions are flooding my instagram feed quicker than you can say Pass Me The Denture Glue. If only I’d kept those velvet pants. I could’ve got Lis to whip them up into a couple of black velvet cushions!
How about you? Ever had a fashion faux pas involving velvet or dentures? Tell me all the funny things!
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