Alright, so this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne kicks off with Gina and Janet meeting for a coffee. They get straight into what went down at Chadstone last week with Gina telling Janet that she met with Gamble last week and can confirm that Gamble’s “pretty upset” with Janet but Janet “doesn’t know why she’s upset” with her because it was Chyka who brought the whole sex thing gossip thing up!
Gina’s not buying Janet’s version of events and went in hard with the questioning, “Why did you feel compelled to tell her this, because it’s actually really devastated her” which was followed up with, “I think you have to be very careful Janet. You say too much.”
The convo goes back and forth for a while with Janet telling us, “I was definitely expecting to have a playful, lovely time with Gina. I had no idea I was going into a courtroom.” Um, a playful, lovely time? Luv, you were meeting for coffee with a barrister who “deals in fact not friction”, not hitting up the playboy mansion for a pillow fight!
Things get a bit tense so Janet gets up to leave. Gina tells her “I think you should leave her alone. I think you should apologise and I think you should stop gossiping.”
Janet thinks Gina should mind her own business and leaves Gina to it. And by to it, I mean talking into her handbag. Yep, once Janet left, Gina had quite the convo with her handbag, telling it, “Amazing. Not going to bother with her again. Terrible person.” It was a bit of a one-sided conversation, but handbags can be a bit like that!
Next up we find ourselves sitting in on a meeting with Bruce, Chyka and two randoms. Chyka’s a bit late because she couldn’t get a car park, which of course is housewife code for, “I got caught up (shopping) in Chapel St”
Bruce has to go to some place they kept referring to as Guitar, but I think what they actually meant was Qatar, for an almost royal wedding. Chyks can’t believe this news because Jackie literally JUST told her that Bruce was about to get on a plane! And can you believe it either?! Say what you will about Psychic Jackie, she is all over this prediction stuff!
The meeting continues with a fairly lengthy discussion about paint work for the Lexus Marquee at the races and some sort of upcoming collab with Collingwood Footy Club.
Chyks and Bruce don a hard hat and high vis vest each and head off to the MCG to meet Collingwood president and media personality, Eddie McGuire, for a shameless plug very important debrief about what they’ll call the area that’s being built and how it will be decorated.
So last week it was Shane Warne guest starring and this week it’s good old Eddie McGuire. I don’t know about you but I’m sensing a sporting theme running through Season 2 of RHOM and I for one am not happy about it. I mean I think it’s safe to say that the last time I participated in sport of any kind was back in the Boxing Day sales, where running to and from the various sections of Myer gave me quite the work out! How the hell am I meant to get myself a gig on this show if they’re looking for sporting stars?! FFS. Why can’t they be guest starring 40 something stay at home mums who have a bit of thing for blogging and inhaling chocolate?!
But back to the show, where Jackie and Janet are shopping for a golfing outfit. Jackie doesn’t like that whole preppy golf look and asks Janet, “Can you wear short shorts?” (no) and “Are you allowed to wear denim?” (hell no! You’re not going to a 1D concert…you’re going to play a polite round go golf with the gals!)
Janet attempts to raise her eyebrows but for some reason isn’t able to, so she holds up what can only be described as a Nanna Jumper, which the young sales guy reckons would look really good on Jackie, especially with shorts.
Janet and Jackie thank the sales guy for perving on them his help and start talking about who’s going to golf before launching into a recap of Janet’s convo with Gina. Janet gets a bit teary and Jackie says, “So you’re telling me that Gina asked you for a coffee and she starts attacking you?! Where actually in fact Gamble insisted on you telling her the rumour after you insisted that you didn’t want to tell her?!”
Jackie then tells us, “I absolutely did not see this one coming!” Which is kind of awkward, because, you know, isn’t she A PSYCHIC?!
Jackie reassures Janet that she’s done nothing wrong but Janet has her knickers in a knot about golf because he reckons Gina’s “trying to make Gamble more upset with me.” The two housewives hug it out and now that she’s “had a vent and a bit of a cry” Janet feels relieved.
Right, so now that the shopping is done, we’re off to watch Gina do a photo shoot with some bloke called Maurice. He’s a playboy photographer and Gina chose him because “he knows how to capture the essence of a woman.” You could tell that was totally happening throughout the entire photo shoot, particularly when Maurice yelled out things like, “Yeah Yeah Baby!” and “Let’s Do It!”
Also, Gina’s essence really shone through when Maurice insisted she throw herself across his Torana. I must admit that Gina’s essence did look a bit uncomfortable at this point, but there;s no need to worry! Good old Maurice reassured Gina by telling her he’s going to sell the pics to playboy, so that’s something to look forward to!
Next up, Ben and Jackie meet Bruce and Chyks for dinner at B&C’s new pop up bar. Chyks has kindly closed the restaurant down for the evening, so the four of them can eat and drink is private.
Chyks starts raving about Jackie’s psychic abilities AGAIN and honestly, at this point, I’m all yeah, we get it Chyks. Jackie can see things. (Except maybe things that involve Janet?) Do we really need to hear how brilliant she is at this whole psychic thing AGAIN AND AGAIN?!
Dinner gets underway and of course the convo turns to yet another rehash of the whole Janet Gamble Gina gossip. Chyka admit that she brought up the subject of gossip, but only because she thought it was going to be “about he stuff said in the tabloids.”
Jackie doesn’t see what the big deal is, telling us, “Even if she is a stripper, so what? At least she knows she can give it!”
Finally we’re at the golf game. Well, we’re almost at the golf game. First we have to watch Janet and Jackie get a chopper to the golf course (I mean who doesn’t arrive to sporting events via a chopper?!) and navigate their way to the gals in a golf buggy, so that was 5 minutes of my life I’ll never get back! ground breaking and totally relatable viewing!
The other gals got to golf the povo way (by car) and one by one they rock up to the course.
Gamble had “mixed feelings about meeting Chyka” but Chyka apologised for her role in the whole sex party gossip convo, so that was nice. Gamble then tells Chyka, “I have sat for figurative artworks but that’s quite different from swinging around on a pole or stripping on a pole.”
Gina then arrives, wearing a cocktail frock and heels because she’s “got a tv appearance later on.” (Makes sense.) Janet and Jackie pull up in their buggy and together the gals have quite the chat about everyone’s outfits. Poor old Gamble “just googled the wrong era” but Chyka nailed it, with Janet telling us, “Chyka always dresses appropriately and she looks like a golfer.” Excellent!
Jackie pops a bottle of champers, because let’s face it, who doesn’t like to get smashed before a game of golf, and the gals hit the course.
Janet gives them a quick rundown on how to hit a ball, Gina has a go and Jackie has “vibes that Gina’s about to lose the stick” which OMG TOTALLY HAPPENED. AND DIDN’T LOOK AT ALL SET UP, SO OMG AS JACKIE TELLS US ‘THE ANGELS ALWAYS KNOW!”
After watching the housewives all have a go at whacking the ball, Chyks gathers everyone around and asks, “Are we all feeling happy and back on track with everyone?”
Jackie pipes up with “Look, I don’t think there’s any happiness going on right now at this very moment” before suggesting that Gina should stay out of things and leave Janet, Chyks and Gamble to sort it out.
Janet would like to know why Gina is involved and is Gamble getting legal advice from her?
Gina’s not acting for Gamble and Gamble reminds Janet that “the allegations are really serious sweetie.”
Janet fires back with, “Well they aren’t allegations. They were a rumour. Like I told you. If you want to talk allegations, you said in front of 400 people at Chadstone that I sold my body for heroin So, I mean, really.”
There was then a borderline school girl argument about the whole sex party rumour thing before Chyka leapt in with her summary of what actually went down. “I brought the subject up. The 3 of us were having lunch together. I brought up the conversation about gossip. Janet said there’s some more information and brought up the other parts of the rumour.”
Janet then tells us, “I’ve been the one whammied and Chyka’s slithered! How does that happen?!”
Jackie steps in as moderator, Janet accuses Gina of “adding fuel to the fire” and then they FINALLY discuss how to resolve the situation. Gamble suggests “Whatever it is you have to say about me, do it behind my back because I don’t want to know about it.”
Janet thinks this is a top idea and hugs it out with Gamble. Gina leaves, the girls play a bit more golf and then enjoy a post golf drink.
Gamble apologises for “slimming” Janet with those drug rumours before Chyks invites the gals and their other halves to a party she’s having. She finishes this week’s episode off by telling us, “At this stage I don’t see there to be a reason why anything should go wrong….but a lot can happen in a week.”
You’re not wrong there Chyks!
Did you watch this week’s episode of The Real Housewives Of Melbourne? What did you think of it?
Thanks to the good folks at Arena TV for sending me advanced copies of RHOM to recap each week.
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