The Real Housewives of Melbourne recap kicks off this week with Gamble and Rick doing a spot of engagement ring shopping. The loved up pair look at a variety of diamonds, ranging in price from $100 – $400K before settling on a couple in the $50K range #nothinglikebeingonabudget
Gamble can’t decide between a princess cut or a cushion cut (#thestruggleisreal) so the jeweller suggests they take both home and let him know when they’ve made a decision.
Rick geniunely looks like he’s shitting himself at the thought of having to fork over some much coin for a ring and tells us, “It’s very expensive, but I guess it’s what I’ve got to do.”
Meanwhile, Chyka and her daughter are out shopping too. Chyka needs not one, not two, not three but four (#countthembitches) outfits for the upcoming Spring Racing Carnival, so the first stop is to a fancy milliner for a hat trying on session.
It’s then off to the first floor of an even fancier boutique, where Chyka tells us, “If you go to the first floor you really know you’re in trouble because they choose for you what you’re going to try on.” Which is odd because I shop on the first floor of Westfield Carindale all.the.time and not once has anyone ever told me what I need to try on!
Look Lyds! Chyka’s on the ONETH FLOOR!!
Fast forward a few days at the housewives are off to Derby Day. The dress code is black and white and it’s blowing a gale, but can we all just take a moment to appreciate Janet’s superior posing abilities in such heavy winds?! Honestly, how does she do it? I mean, not even her face is moving!
werk that camera, Janet!
hold onto your hats ladies!
Janet’s also a bit beside herself that Chyka has invited them all to the Lexus Marquee because as she puts it, “I can not tell you how many arses in the past I’ve had to kiss to get into the good marquees on Derby Day. It’s SO GREAT to get an invitation from Chyka. NO ARSE KISSING. I’m just like IN. HOORAY!” So that’s wonderful and quite frankly, a bit of a relief.
Once inside the marquee the housewives all take turns at telling each other who their outfits are made by, which really was as boring as it sounds.
#um…..
Jackie’s gone for a chess head piece #verycouture while poor old Gamble’s having to endure a day of nip-slips thanks to her fairly see through outfit #stressful
#nipplegate
Pettifleur announces her book launch to everyone, which has Gina quite concerned because “all she’s got is a paragraph. I’ve actually posted things on Facebook that are longer than that.” #meow
switch that bitch!
We then watch the gals place a few bets before they went up to a swanky rooftop garden to watch the races. There was a lot of jumping up and down and squeals of delight happening while on the rooftop, which I think was because they were all so excited to meet celebrity gardener from the 90’s, Jamie Durie, more so than watching the actual horse races.
#sexual
Once the races are over we find ourselves at Pettifleur’s book launch. Janet’s read the book and loves it, Lydia’s “scanned through it a bit” and Gamble is trying to understand the formula of it. Gamble tells us, “I would possibly take advice from a self help book if it wasn’t about becoming a bitch.”
There’s a bit of a speech from Pettifleur, who tells her audience of 8, “it’s raw, real and confronting.”
There’s then a bit of a Q&A session, where Gamble asks who the publisher is. Pettifleur reveals she’s self publishing “because I don’t want my message lost in editing and proof reading.”
After the formalities are over, Gina and Gamble corner Pettifleur as ask her about “the Pathetic Bitch” while Jackie jumps in and suggests they be a bit more positive and “support her book instead of putting her down” #herehere
Jackie then accuses Gamble of being Gina’s mouthpiece to which Gina replies, “Oh f*&k off” #stayclassymelbourne
Gina sums the whole thing up by telling us, “It’s not published, it’s got a title that’s hideous and really, I don’t want to be there.” #ouch
It’s then time for Gamble’s Hen’s Night, which kicks off with her sister Tempest revealing her new face.
She introduces herself to Jackie who says, “I haven’t met you before by I have a psychic vibe of how you used to look like” while Gina tells us, “I’ve never been to a Hen’s Night or a party where there’s been a reveal of someone’s extensive surgery” so obviously she’s never been to a party with any of Pam’s Posse before!
There’s then a fairly awkward scene involving the housewives dancing on the lawn, where Gamble’s step-son-to-be, Luke, apologises for not liking her when they first met: “I’m not going to lie. I called you a whore and I called you a gold digger and I called you a bitch” so that was touching. Not to mention heart felt.
The strippers then arrive and give Gamble, Gina & Janet quite the lap dance although Gamble does admit to having quite a severe stripper phobia #totallynormal so she doesn’t really get into things quite as enthusiastically as Janet…
Once the strippers have exited stage left, Tempest apologises to Janet for her behaviour in Sydney, while Gina interrogates Gamble about those rumours of her being a stripper, AGAIN #boring #moveon #overit
Gina tells Gamble that the rumours have begun because Gamble’s make up artist also does make up for strippers. Gamble’s a bit confused about that one and tells us, “I’ve got the top make up artist in the country. She does Julia Gillard, the Prime Minister. If Julia Gilard’s getting gigs as a stripper, I’d be very surprised!”
Well me too, because a) Julia Gillard isn’t actually our Prime Minister. Tony Abbott is. And b) I’m not sure there’s much of a call for past PM’s who like to knit:
#notquiteassexual
Janet tries to bring the stripper rumour up again too but Tempest asks why we’re still talking about bullshit? Which I think we can all agree is a question that everyone would like to know the answer to!
Chyka then hands Gamble a Hen’s Night present, which is full of all sorts of delightful items such as this hot pink cactus, which Chyka reckons “would look nice in a little pot in the kitchen”
#probablynotanactualcactu
Jackie chimes in with, “It’s very couture” while Gina asks, “What is that?” I must admit it’s the strangest looking cactus I’ve ever seen, but I’m not exactly an expert when it comes to gardening!
And that, my Real Housewife Friends, is where Episode 10 ends. Stay tuned for next week, which marks the end of Season Two of The Real Housewives Of Melbourne. I KNOW. I’ll be sad to see it end too!
Thank you to Arena TV for sending me advanced copies of each episode to recap.
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