Welcome to The Real Housewives of Melbourne Reunion Show Recap Number One! It’s hosted by Alex Perry (very well known Aussie frock designer, who we will refer to as AP throughout this recap because it’s quicker and easier to type. Thank you for understanding) and features 7 housewives all ready to do battle with each other. So sit back, relax and enjoy the show…
Things kick off with footage of the housewives arriving at the studio and getting ready
before AP gets straight into it by saying a quick hello to all of the gals.
We then watch a recap of the gals complimenting each other, which of course is Real Housewife code for mocking and impersonating each other. Things got a bit awakes when AP asked Gamble if it upset her when Lydia mocked her speech impediment. Apparently it did upset Gamble because at one point she was almost deaf. Poor old Lyds didn’t know that and “felt bad” about taking the piss out of the way Gamble speaks.
There was then a recap of Gamble’s love for Gina (“I admire Gina and I hope a bit of her energy will rub off on me”) The feeling is kind of mutual, with Gina saying she likes Gamble’s sense of humour, which f this footage is anything to go by, ‘humour’ is now code for ‘rack’
Pettifleur isn’t buying into the love fest and tells AP, “It doesn’t seem like they have much in common” before telling Gamble, “You were sniffing her (Gina’s) but like a little dog the whole time” which was a classy way of putting things.
Pettifleur then tells us she had “a great ride” on the show and was “horrified” when she saw footage of herself talking rudely to staff and generally being a bit of a cow (my words, not hers), so that was nice.
Next we’re onto Gamble, who if you’ll remember, told us back in Episode One that her life motto is to calorie count. AP asks for a quick run down on a typical day of eating for Gamble and she tells us breakfast is coffee and a diet coke, lunch is tomato and spinach (no bread) with some tabasco sauce and dinner is bread, rice and pasta free. So that sounds like fucking torture well balanced.
We then watch a rerun of the run ins between Pettifleur and Gamble. AP is surprised that as the newbies they didn’t stick together. Gamble replies with, “Well for somebody who is writing a book that’s supposed to be about empowering women, calling somebody stupid before you’ve got to know them at all…I found that to be really contrary to what she’s trying to portray.”
Pettifleur thinks Gamble’s “cookoo” and that anything she said about Gamble on the show was “all in fun.”
Chyka steps in with, “I have a real opinion on this” which, just quietly, floored me too. She then went on to say, “No matter where any one of us comes from, it doesn’t really matter” which resulted in an eye roll with a heavy sigh chaser from Pettifleur.
There was then a recap of the issues between Jackie and Gina. Gina “doesn’t like the way Jackie talks to me sometimes” while Jackie found the bogan comment made in last week’s episode “really insulting.” Jackie thinks Gina should be ashamed of herself for saying that but Gina’s not interested.
There was then some weird and slightly random convo about what went down at Pettifleur’s 50th last week before Jackie burst into tears.
We then revisit Pettifleur’s book launch. Pettifleur became quite teary while the footage was played because “it’s how I strengthened myself to be in the position I am and I want to share that with other women.” She’s also “put so much time and money” into the book, which if I’m honest, would probably make me tear up too.
Pettifleur then does a reading from the book and there’s a bit of a chat about the use of the word ‘bitch’. Chyka was against it to begin with but “when I understood about the inner bitch…it all made sense and I think it’s a good word to use.”
Gina chimes in with, “You’re so agreeable. It astounds me” before saying “I think you’re friends with everybody which to me translates to you’re a little bit friends with nobody.” Um, OUCH!
Pettifleur then throws a bit of a tanty over Gamble questioning the quality of the book which randomly results in Lydia and Gamble having an on air tiff about what Gamble does for a living. AP leaps in, telling everybody to “shut up” before announcing, “I need to switch seven bitches off right now” which was probably the most honest and authentic thing said all night!
There’s then a recap of Gina and Pettifleur’s friendship, where Gina tells AP she didn’t click with PF. PF claimed that when she first met Gina, “she was like a dog trying to hump my leg” which, I must admit, left me with quite the visual.
Gina retorts with, “What planet am I on?” I was tempted to yell “quite a glittery one” at the screen, but Chyka beat me to it with, “Everyone here has owned up to something they’ve done that’s not right. You never do.”
AP calls Gina “slightly arrogant” before asking PF to reveal a secret incident that happened on the publicity tour.
I paused the tv at this point to get myself a snack, all the while thinking, holy crap, this should be good….
PF tells her version of events which apparently had something to do with the girls making fun of her when she revealed that she always goes commando (that’s Aussie Slang for not wearing any knickers/undies/panties/whatever you like to call them…FYI…is it just me, or is panties a hideous word?! It’s right up there with hearing the words ‘moist’ and ‘sorry, but that’s not on sale’ am I right?!) and has a landing strip (that’s Scrubber Slang for “I get my vajayjay waxed and ask them to leave a bit behind”) She then said that Gina grabbed her arm during the undie/waxing revelation and used the C word 4 times.
All the other housewives disagreed with PF’s version of events with Jackie claiming that PF was “really drunk” and caused the fight by accusing Gina of not being a barrister.
PF said she wasn’t drunk and Lyds chimed in with, “You were as drunk as a skunk!”
PF then walked off the set while accusing everyone of lying and saying, “I’m 50 and I’m skinny because I don’t drink!”
Jackie yelled back with the very classy line of, “You’re full of shit” and that’s where The Real Housewives of Melbourne Reunion Recap ended!
Stay tuned for next week’s recap as the reunion continues! But before you go, tell me, what did you think of the reunion show?!
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