So I know this will shock you, but I Wanna Marry Harry has been pulled from the Fox network in America and here, in Australia, it’s been shoved back to the not so popular 11pm on a Friday night time slot. Apparently nobody was interested in watching a group of American gals fall in love with a Faux Prince Harry, which, just quietly, has surprised me no end. I mean who wouldn’t want to watch grown women compete for the love and affection of a Faux Prince who, as Rose so eloquently put it in Episode Two when she saw a shirtless Farry for the first time, “is so white, but we can make it work.”
Anyho, I’ve series linked the show on my Foxtel IQ thingy, but to be honest, I just can’t be bothered watching it. But, in the interest of finishing everything I start, earlier today I sat through the I Wanna Marry Harry finale show which I managed to find on You Tube. Say what you will about me, I’m nothing if not committed to recapping crap reality tv shows.
The finale kicks off with the finale three girls going on a date with Farry. Kelley has lunch with I’m at The Gherkin, Karina (above) enjoys a few sneaky beverages with Farry on the London Eye, while Kimberley has dinner with him at the Tower Bridge. There’s then a solid 20 minutes of sentimental montages, where I can only assume* the gals reminisce about lovely things like the time Kimberley compared her night in the Crown Suite to winning at bingo or the awkward moment when Kelley clipped her head on the side of the boat but acted like it was, like, all totally cool and stuff.
*I’m assuming, due to the fact that I skipped this bit of the show, because, well, BORING.
Long story short, Kelley gets dumped first (“I did not see that coming.” Probably because she was still concussed from the boat vs head incident in episode three) while Karina is the next gullible gal to get the flick. Look how impressed she is to hear THAT news….
It’s then Kimberley’s turn to find out if she’s going to be a Faux Princess or not. Farry tells Kimberley she’s the girl for him, which is met with some stirring classical music, a fairly long and a slightly inappropriate kiss involving a lot of tongue. Well ok, there wasn’t really that much tongue. In fact, I don’t think there was any at all, but it sounded funny and I think we can all agree, that’s the main thing.
It’s at this moment, as he’s wiping Kimberley’s saliva from his chin*, that Farry informs the newly crowned Princess Kimberley that he’s not Prince Harry: “My name is Matthew. I’m an environmental consultant and I’m not from any status, wealth or title. Does that change anything for you?”
To which Kimberley replies, “Not at all. I still like you.”
HOORAY! WE HAVE A WINNER! WHO IS HAPPY TO REMAIN A PEASANT. FABULOUS!!
*may or may not have happened
Kingsley, the pervy butler, then enters for one last look down Kimberley’s top to deliver the lovebirds some news:
“The royal fantasy has finished but I have a surprise for you. A quarter of a million dollars will be split between the two of you as you embark on your life together.”
Cue shocked looks from the couple, before Kimberley announces
“OMG. WHAT?! LIKE, SHUTUP!”
And that, my friends, marks the perfect ending to the perfect faux fairytale. I almost couldn’t have said it better myself. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to google if Kingsley is single if the happy couple are still together, before rewarding myself for enduring 60 minutes of utter sh*t tv with a giant slab of chocolate.
DID YOU WATCH THE SHOW? WILL YOU MISS KINGSLEY AND HIS SEXY NOTE TAKING SKILLS? OMG, LIKE, SAME!
PS: In case you’re wondering, yep, Matt and Kimberley are still an item.
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