So this week’s I Wanna Marry Harry Recap kicks off with Farry (that’s Faux Harry for those of you joining us for the first time) taking Kimberly on a hot air balloon ride , who tell us “I’ve never seen a hot air balloon before. It’s like a unicorn to me” so no doubt she was a bit devo when she rocked up to the park and saw an actual hot air balloon and not some sort of imaginary creature galloping around in front of her.
After the unicorn hot air ballon ride, Farry and Kimmie enjoy a romantic picnic together, which is rudely interrupted by Faparazzi (Faux Paparazzi) This gets Kimmie all worked up and she’s all, “I’m going to be in a magazine! Scandalous girl in the woods with Prince Harry!” so that will be an issue of Gullible Weekly we’ll all have to look out for!
Meanwhile, back at the castle, Jacqueline is regretting calling Anna Lisa and Meghan Mean Girls in last week’s ep, while Meghan tells us “She’s Tacky Jackie and that’s not royal.” Ouch.
Kingsley, the slightly pervy butler, then steps in and tells the girls that “Sir” would like to take Jacqueline, Maggie and Keeley boating. Kelley is like, OMG, totally beside herself when she sees the lake because “This is JUST like The Notebook.”
Farry shows off his expert boating skills by rowing the girls straight into a river bank, which is handy because they were all getting a bit hungry anyway, so out they hop to enjoy a picnic.
From L-R: Tacky Jackie, Notebook Lover Kelley, Booze Hound Maggie and Farry.
Then Farry disappears into a 4WD and magically reappears a few minutes later wearing his boardies, which works Jacqueline RIGHT UP, “Finally we get to see the goods! It’s a little bit shocking to see how pasty white he is, but hey! He might be royal!”
Farry offers to take Kelley for a quick spin in the row boat, which has her banging on about The Notebook to the camera again. “I never imagined I would re-live The Notebook with Prince Harry.” Kelley then does her best to impress Farry by doing a backflip off the side of the boat. It was all going really well, until The Notebook Lover hit her head on the side of the boat and kind of disappeared under the water for a little bit longer than expected. Farry jumps in to save her and Kelley does what can only be described as a Stellar Job at pretending she’s fine, “My head clipped the boat but my Prince Charming jumped in and that’s sorta a storybook fairytale.” Ok then.
Next up, we’re at a Pool Party. Farry turns up dressed in a similar outfit to the one the actual Prince Harry wore to a Las Vegas Pool Party sometime ago and tells us, “Normally these girls would be out of my league, so I think I’ve walked straight into heaven.” Farry kicks things off with a limbo comp, which gets naughty school teacher, Rose, in a bit of a lather, “This guy is, like, flexible. Just saying.”
Farry tells us that he feels like there’s a genuine connection between him and Meghan, so he takes her to the hot tub. Naturally. Meghan tells us, “There is so much sexual tension in the hot tub right now and I’m like, cut the small talk babe and plant one on me.” I’m pleased to report that Farry eventually does Plant One On Megs which results in her telling us, I just made out with Prince Harry and that’s kinda cool.”
Meanwhile, on the dance floor, Chelsea decides to teach everyone how to twerk. Rose is all, “It is beyond my imagination that I’d ever be tweaking at a pool party with the Prince of Wales” while Pervy Butler Kingsley adds, “Twerking. It’s jolly good.”
Somewhere in between the twerking and hot tub action, Maggie, that’s her in the yellow pocahontas bikini arrangement, discovers that Farry kissed Meghan, which upsets her no end. In between sipping on her fourth cocktail, Maggie tells Meghan that she doesn’t like the fact that Meghan got to kiss Farry, which prompts Meghan to tell us, “Maggie takes it from fun to sloppy and I don’t know what The Royal Family would think of someone getting piss arse wasted every night.” Fair point you raise there Megs. And, if I might add, so eloquently put.
Sadly, because all good things must come to an end, the girls leave the pool party and head back to the castle for dinner. It’s during dinner that they discuss The Royal Family and we here clangers like this from Rose: “Since we’re just Americans, we might not know the intricacies of The Royal Family” which was followed by this from Maggie, “Wait. So did Prince Charles get remarried after Diana died? I DID NOT KNOW THAT!” FFS. Where have these girls been living? In a small country town, without any access to the internet, a newspaper or even a radio?! Pervy Kingsley must be eye rolling so hard, that he can barely get his eye to see straight through the little hole he’s made in the wall between his bedroom and theirs.
We then sit through Farry and Kingsley’s discussion about Farry’s day (“Did you kiss Meghan?” asks Pervy Kingsley, notebook at the ready, no doubt to jot down ALL the gory details) before Farry tells Carley she can exit stage left, while Karina gets to stay (“You’re so trickeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I would love to staaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy!”)
And that wraps up another I Wanna Marry Harry Recap. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and do a crossword or something, anything, that will get my brain to function normally again and lift my IQ back to where it was approximately 55 minutes ago!
How about you? Ever dated a Faux Prince? Or had a bit of hot tub action? Tells us all about it. Wait. On second thoughts. Please don’t. Nobody wants to know about your dirty hot tub action. Unless Kingsley is reading this, in which case, he’s got his pen and paper AT THE READY!
Leave a Reply